Jessica, Where have you been?

I know I know I know. I haven't blogged in about a month. I typically write at night after the kids go to bed but with boot camp I had to go to bed early in order to make in up by 5 or 5:30. How was boot camp you ask? Intinse! I haven't worked that hard in like, ever. I apreciate what I am now capable of and that I was able to push myself that hard. Honestly I feel I could go even harder still. I made great gains phyicicaly, I didn't loose a single pound but I did loose inches and tone up quite a bit. Hello size 10 jeans and size 8 dress!!

I was even running, RUNNING! It used to be that I would have to stop running because I just couldn't breath but now I have to stop because my muscles are tired but I can breath. Uhm, running. In high school I picked two sports, cheerleading and golf, both of which didn't require running. Honestly running scared me and I never thought I would be able to but I did always carry a desire to be a runner. I would admire people who ran, they looked so free, fit and energized. I longed to be a runner but was always afraid to try. Well ladies, I am running. Am I a runner? I don't know but I do enjoy jogging and I have been going on longer and longer runs each time. I am feeling the freedom and that runners high you hear real runners talking about. Yeh, I'm excited.

So what to do now? I would love to do boot camp again but it is spendy and I can't justify it. Seriously I can run around town for free. I am hoping I have gained enough discipline, knowledge, and stamina to keep going all on my own. Can I run and do the other work outs that we were doing in boot camp? My brain says, "yes silly, it is easy." My lazy side says, "no, of course not, you need somebody to make you." Do I or have I turned a new leaf and am now able to push myself just for me? I know I can push my self just for me.

Also, please send me any ideas, tricks, or tips to help me keep going. I am of course still a little chubby, a battle I hope to conquer.

Survived week one

What did week one consist of you ask?

Monday - Cardio Kick boxing and conditioning
Tuesday - Circuit training
Wednesday - Running stairs at the parking garage
Thursday - Running hills
Friday - no instructor but required to work out, I hiked Bald Hill (packing a 30 pound kid up half of it) and ran after two kids on bikes
Saturday - again no instructor, I ran 2 miles and walked 1/2 a mile while my daughter rode her bike.

What do I have to show after a week of intensity? I lost 1 1/2 inches around my middle! The darn scale won't budge but I did loose inches once again. I'm not sure what it is going to take to get that scale to move. If it doesn't move by then end of this boot camp ordeal then I'm sure nothing will ever get it to. Except maybe lypo. There is a road I haven't taken yet.

So far so good

I have been able to keep up thus far. One day of kick boxing, running, and abs and on day of circuit training (ouch). I haven't quite and it is intense. Tomorrow we do stairs. This is going to hurt.

New adventure starts tomorrow

I took the week end off. I wasn't feeling well and needed a break. No I didn't pig out and I didn't eat a bunch of junk. I ate well but didn't focus on making sure I ate all the exchanges or calories I was supposed to in the right carb/protein/fat ratio. I even went out to eat and to a birthday party and was very successful making good choices and feeling good about those choices and not feeling deprived. It felt great to feel so in control, to eat what I needed and wanted with out over doing it or feeling like I was being driven by those cravings I used to have and thankfully only occasionally pop up in less intensity.

Tomorrow it is cardio kick boxing at 5:30 am. Humm...... I'm excited, nervous, scared, and a little worried. I am excited to see my body change even more, to loose some more weight, to get into better shape and be able to run that 5K I have been dreaming about. I am scared, nervous, and worried about not being able to keep up, working really hard and not having anything to show for it, getting hurt, and being a weakling. I have never been a very physically fit person but have always wanted to be. Seriously I am having some junior high and high school anxieties based on scares left behind for PE, all of which are emotional. This is probably why I'm working so hard at 30 instead of just being one of those fit people because PE wasn't fun. It stressed me out, embarrassed me, and made me feel like a looser. Hum... I have some major issues to work out with Mr. Perkins, Mrs. Sanders, and Mrs. Caps.

159, 159, 159 woo-hoo

need I say more!

A new look for a new phase.

I thought I would change things up a bit.

A little all over the place

I am almost all done with my post testing. I have completed my fitness test and my dexa scan. All I have left is my blood test and I can't stop doing the diet or the exercise plan till the blood draw is complete. Once they have compiled all the info they will mail it to me or I can arrange an appointment to go over my results. I am pretty excited to find out how much my body changed other then how I look or what the scale tells me. The scale tells me I lost 6 pound. Yep through out this entire experience I only lost 6 pounds. I have a range of feelings about these 6 pounds but ultimately I am glad for what I was able to do.

Really I just lost all the rest of the "new" fat. The fat that I put on more recently with in the last 5-8 years. Now it is time to work on the "old" fat. This fat has been around since puberty. I have 10 pounds to loose to get to that ever famed high school weight. Why do we do that? Why is what I weighed at 18 supposed to be my goal now? When I did my post nutritional appointment the SS asked me what I plan to do. I told her I want to loose 10 more pounds for sure which I think is very doable and will be a good weight for me. She said that while loosing 10 more pounds would be good it would be even better to loose 15 pounds. What I wanted to hear was how well I did, it was such hard work, blah, blah, blah. But what I got was drop an other 15 pounds. Needles to say I didn't appreciate it but ok, it is the truth.

But, no, really? I NEED to loose an other 15 pounds? What if I like how I look now and am happy here? Honestly I am excited to do boot camp and see how I look in an other 4 weeks but what is the matter with how I look now? I think I look pretty darn good! I don't need some 125 pound college girl telling me I should loose 15 pounds, I just don't.

I am excited however, because the scale looks like it is going down again after being quite stuck. I have also suddenly been hungry again which tells me I am about to loose weight again. I am still following my eating plan which has plenty of food in it so don't worry I'm not starving.

Sorry for all the randomness but I have been feeling a little all over the place in case you couldn't tell.