Tonight I was the annoying girl.

I wasn't late to Zumba because she hadn't started instructing yet but I was late enough to have no spot. I had to slip in between rows and try to make myself a spot. One of the girls in front of me was not pleased. She gave me those same looks I have given those ladies that stand in an obvious non-spot but think it is ok. Now I think I might just have to give them all a little slack. When there is no other spots left you just have to go ahead and make your self one. Seriously the gal in front of me glared and when I smiled she just glared some more. At least I know what her problem was and I will try not to be "late" again.

A new low

160! Woohoohoo!!!

I just can't wait to get into those 150s.

So what is going on with me?

As of right now no body really knows. I have had blood taken 5 times, a chest x-ray, a foot x-ray, an EKG, and will be in for an echo cardiogram Wednesday. It all started with what has appeared to be blood clots in my toes that actually became quite painful. My Dr. took me off my birth control pill and has placed me on aspirin. Spring break was miserable and I missed 1 or 2 workouts because of the pain and being flat out exhausted.

I decide I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm going to continue with the study and do my best to keep pushing myself at the work outs with out hurting myself. I zumbad today, I was able to complete the work out but I didn't have the same amount of energy as I had two weeks ago but I made it through.

I still have some more blood work that needs to come back and hopefully we will get to the bottom of what is going on with me. Right now the test are telling us that I have chronic inflammation of the blood or vascular system and they are trying to find out why I'm so inflamed. I am considering going gluten free for a month and seeing if it makes a difference, this isn't a Dr.'s suggestion just something I'm curious about based on stuff I have read and heard from a friend of mine. Other possibilities they are looking at is lupus, a blood infection, or just problems with the birth control pill. Hopefully we will get some answers and a plan of action soon.

Thank you for everybody's support and prayers while I've been down.

Half the day at the Dr.'s

My health has taken a sudden nose dive. I have had clotting in my toes for the three or four years with on and off again with a hand full of other symptoms. I started feeling a lot of pain in my toes last Friday and have been to the Dr. three times sense then. I have had three different blood draws each filling several tubes and even a few bottles. I am exhausted, my food hurts so badly it is keeping me awake at night, and I'm feeling emotionally drained.

I have missed two work outs now and fear I may not be able to fully participate with the exercise requirements of this study.

no Zumba today

but instead we had the option of running or walking. I chose running. I'm not sure it was the best idea. I said I was slow and they said, "its ok, so are we". So I decided ok, I will go with the running group. They may have been slow compared to an Olympian. I ran and I ran and I ran. I have never ran so far with out stopping in my whole life. I am a little proud of myself but man I am so sore. I wanted to stop but I didn't want to get left behind so I ran from Fredie's to Albertson's. Now I don't know how far that is and it isn't far when you drive but it felt far and I am proud of the distance. I need to drive it and see just how far it is. I then walked and ended up walking quite a bit by my self because I took a short cut on my own and then met up with the Olympic runners back on the original path. One other woman decided that she was more of a run/walker so we ran/walked the rest of the way and the other three went running up a few hills and then met us back at Fredie's. That may be too much detail but what ever, I don't think my brain is fully functioning because I haven't recovered from the run even though it was over 2 hours ago. I guess I should run more especially if I plan on doing a 5K next month.

woohoo back to 161!

The week is looking much better. We all have clean cloths and clean bodies. Thank you Lord for a working washing machine and a hot water heater! Something else did break though. My blinder! I got my blender as a wedding gift almost 10 years ago. I haven't used it much through out the years but I have used it almost every day since the 1st of the year. The good news is that it is reparable. I just ordered the new part on line and it should be here next week. I really hope my blinder will continue making smoothies till the new part comes. I guess you know your doing good when your marriage is outlasting your wedding gifts. All that stuff we got 10 years ago is beginning to show it's age but we my friends are still going strong, although, we have aged as well.

Yes, I'm back to my lowest of 161 thank you very much. Some of you suggest I stop weighing my self and I think this is solid advise but I will choose to ignore it for now. I will weigh my self every morning after I pee and in the nude. Sorry I just can't stop and I want to witness the very first moment I get into the 150's.

I made a strawberry rhubarb pie

And I feel like eating the whole second half all by my self. Not because I feel the uncontrolable urge to satisfy a craving but because I feel the need to wallow in my own pathetic self pitty. I have working washing machine, yhey! I still have no hot water, boo! I still haven't gotten back down to 161, what did she just reveil her weight?!? Yes, the lowest I have gotten down to is 161 and then I gained again. If only I could break under the 160 mark. I haven't been under 160 in about 10 years which is why it must be so hard and my body is just fighting it like crazy. Sigh...

Pull up a chair, some bread, and cheese because it is time for some wine.

Sorry, not the lovely liquid in a tall stemmed glass but the kind where I grip a little but try to see the up side in things. Hold on tight because this one is a dozy and if your not into wine, well then don't read, you've been forewarned.

About a week and a half ago my washer was leaking water which was going into the closet and into the garage and well, making quite a mess. I turned it off drained it and called Home Depot. Thankfully it is still under warranty and they were able to send a sweet old man to come take a look at the very next day. Bad news, it needs parts, worse news, they won't be in for 7-10 days, even worse news, won't be able to fix it till 5 days after parts come in due to a busy schedule. OK...deep breath...good news still under warrenty. Everything will be fine. I have two small children and a husband. We need a washer every day! I Have been reading Little House on the Prairie which gives me some sort of mad poinier ideas and well if Ma can wash her cloths in a tub after hauling water from the creek what is stopping me from washing my cloths? I have water in my house and I have a bath tub. Yes, I filled my bath tub with water and some essential clothing items. I put on my capri length excersise pants and walked around in my wet soapy cloths for a total of 45 minutes which includes 1 wash and 2 rinses. I pressed all the water out by basically doing lunges in the tub and hauled all the laundry to the dryer that still works thank you very much. I did this once more and decided that scene it did take 45 minutes and made me sweat that it must count for a work out and so it was my work out for the day. My washer is supposed to be fixed tomorrow but if it isn't back into the tub I will go because it is time to wash 2 more loads of essentials.

We were out of the house this morning visiting a friend and going to the dentist. I promised the kids we would go to the park because it was such a lovely day just as soon as we got home. We get home and I walk out to the garage and find myself standing in a puddle. I kid you not, the hot water heater has water bubbling up out of the hose attachments and spilling over the top of the unit and running down to the floor. Ahhh!!! Why, Why, Why! I am living in appliance Hell! I'm assuming I'm not the only one that has a bunch of boxes of stuff, golf clubs, shoes, strollers, tools, and a big box of empty soda cans stacked in the garage right next to the hot water heater. If you don't have this sort of situation at your house good for you, when your hot water heater spews water you won't have to move all this junk as quickly as humanly possible in an effort to save anything and everything. I turned on a movie for the kids and got to work, serous work. I moved everything out of the way and cut off the insulation blanket from around the unit which, once removed I found water basically dripping and running from every where on that water heater. I drug the soaking wet insulation out to the drive way and then began moping. I have never mopped my garage before and it was gross. Are you supposed to mop a garage? It has a concreat floor. Any ways, I am sopping up water as quick as I can and laying out towels to keep the water out of the play room where it has already left a big puddle in the carpet right by the door. I dump out one bucket full just to find all the progress I had made unrecognizable. I just couldn't keep up with all the water. My husband was on his way home and figured out how to turn off the water just as I had started trying to drain the tank with a hose and bucket. I did this for an hour was beat. My arms ached and I was half way laughing because it just figures.

I told the kids to get their shoes on and we head to the park one on my back, two in the stroller, and one on a bike (I was watching two other children.) We quickly walked/road 1/2 a mile to the park, play for 20 mins, and quickly walk back. I am so tired at this point but I have to get ready for Zumba.

I am seriously considering not going to Zumba at this point. Seriously, I just mopped and hauled water for an hour and then walked a mile with a kid on my back and pushing 60 pounds in a stroller on a power walk. But I have my Zumba commitment so I will go and tonight is weigh in and I have busted my rear all day so the scale must have something kind to say.

I gained 3 1/2 pounds!!! What! Could this day be any more, well, hum, @#%$&y?!?!?!
I talked to the SS about this and she thinks it is the cheese I had on my pizza. I normally don't eat cheese and she thinks it has made me bloated and made me retain water. I think she is right because my tummy didn't appreciate all the dairy and it let me know it quite loudly later in the day.

Deep breath.....Tomorrow my washer should be fixed, Tomorrow my husband is installing a new hot water heater, and lets see how I do this week while avoiding cheese at all costs.

A toast, for a better week to come. (clink)

Self Pep talk

I am in control

Everything counts, every single bite

155

move your butt

push it

make your body work hard

it isn't supposed to be easy

eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner; everything else is habit and no needed

it is OK to feel uncomfortable

I know, I know

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days especially since I said I would the day after my last post. I was annoyed that I didn't have great news to share so I put it off till now. Good news, I didn't gain a single pound over the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays. Your wondering what does this have to do with us now 3 months later? Well my initial weigh in right when I signed up for the study was a week before Thanksgiving. I forgot what I weighed at that time and was wondering if I was just working off what ever it was that I gained over the holidays. So I was excited to find out that everything that I have lost has really been a loss.

At my appointment I weighed in and have lost 4 pounds total. 4 pounds! The study is half way over and I have only lost 4 pounds. I really was hoping for 10 by now. The good news is is that 4 pounds has made a surprising difference in how I look and even feel about how I look. I have lost an inch in my waist and and inch on my hips. I can easily fit into cloths that were too tight before and have to lay some others to rest because they have become too big. Humm....just imagine what a difference 10 pounds would make.....

I have realized that I am in an excersise slump and am not pushing myself as much as I should. I have gotten to the point where what I'm doing has become comfortable because my body has adjusted and gotten stronger. I need to push myself into the uncomfortable zone. It will be easier now that I'm finally feeling better from all this sickness that has gone around in my home. I think this is the 3rd or 4th week of sickness and still not 100% but I think I'm well enough now to push a little harder.

Sadly I still struggle with just leaving all the sweet foods alone. I made a cake for a memorial service yesterday and took the left over cake home. It has been calling me all day and called me all yesterday too. I had a small slice and accounted for it in my tracking book but man, I really wanted to eat half the thing. I still hold onto that mentality that if it is there I should just hurry up and eat it instead of tormenting myself for the next few days. I have discovered really need a new way of thinking. I have also discovered that any time I feel uncomfortable I want to eat. Interesting. Who knew I had so many food issues? Not me.

Ups and downs

I really felt like I blew it this weekend. I over ate both days:-( I didn't mean too but one chocolate cookie easily turned into 4 and 5 single m&ms turned in to 5 handfuls. The next day I thought I was eating fat free hot dogs so I had two but they weren't and I are 5 1/2 fat exchanges in one meal when I'm only allowed 3 in a day. Needless to say I was feeling like a big fat looser and was quite nervous about tonight's weigh in. These weigh-ins stress me out. Normally I'm not too concerned about what I eat or weigh. If I'm not careful this study is going to give me a complex or eating disorder.

Well, surprisingly, I still lost weight! I'm getting closer and closer to entering into the 150's. I just can't wait. Tonight's work out was great. I'm finally feeling better and it felt good to sweat. Tomorrow I have my monthly one-on-one with the Study Staff and will be weighed and measured again. I am curious to find out how many pounds I have lost and how many inches I have lost. I will share the results with you all tomorrow.